when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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