i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
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