Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
