You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
40s are totally the cure
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
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