Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize
