I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
