upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
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