Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
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