Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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