My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
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so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
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I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
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