now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
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The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
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Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
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