sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize