can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
