totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
birth control should be required to get into college
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
