i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
