STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
