Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize
