if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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