Only a mothe r could love this liver
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
