My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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