i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
