i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
