My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
