the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
