..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
