This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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