Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Randomize
