from now on my penis is your penis
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
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