I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Hippo gnu deer
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
