Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
high people should be assigned attendants
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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