I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
