Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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