chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
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