I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
