i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
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