if only i could text you this smell
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
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