just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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