Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
