i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
