Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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