Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Randomize
