just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Two words: blizzard sex
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Randomize
