I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize