Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
