obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
This baby is an asshole
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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