I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
