Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Randomize
