Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
