I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
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