when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Randomize
