I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
You've changed since you got that strap on
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
