ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Randomize
