Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
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