He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
