as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
