dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Randomize
