There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
