So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Randomize
