i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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