i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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