my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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