It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
