what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Randomize
